am i

am i made for no one to love me? is that how its supposed to be? because honestly i feel that way so much right now. i was told yesterday by my friend that i need the stability of a real relationship with a guy, not just a hookup or whatever like i usually have. i feel like that would really help me to become a happier person. whenever i have those random like hookups im always upset because im like blaaah they dont like me they are just using me and stuff. maybe if i actually had a relationship i would be more like put together and stop being such a mess all the time.
i also realized that i have always been embarrassed of guys that i like because i always feel like everyone around me is judging me based on the guy. i just need to stop caring what people think because if i like them that should be enough for everyone else. i feel like if i had known that like last year my life would have been so much easier im actually like angry at myself for not having figured this out.
i think that im just gonna try to find a guy that really cares about me, even though that might be hard because im obviously not very lovable. well its summer and maybe thats a time for romance, maybe not but i never know.
i just want a guy to truly like me and me like him and have him not use me and for us to be happy together. yeah maybe thats a lot to ask for but maybe, just maybe, it can actually happen to me.