wow

I haven't written on this blog in a really long time. I just found it and realized how badly I need someone in the world to talk to. I feel like I have lost absolutely everyone that I have ever had.
I feel alone.
I feel unlovable.
I feel upset.
Sometimes I think that if I died tomorrow, no one would even notice, let alone care. At least before, people pretended to care about my life. Even fakeness feels better than nothing. As I sit here and consider what I actually have left in the world, it just doesn't feel worth it anymore.
I wish I had someone to confide in. About how much I hate myself. About how I'm ugly and fat. About how the only person that I have loved in the entire world just decided that "things changed" and left me. About how everytime I am home alone, I stare at the wall and cry. Sometimes it doesn't feel worth it living in a world where I have nothing. Why take up my parents money and time anymore? I am pitiful.
I just wish there was something in the world that would prove me wrong. Someone that would tell me that I really am worth it. And I want them to mean it. I don't want fakeness, I don't want anyone pretending to like me. I know they don't like me. I know how alone I am. I just want someone to care enough about me that they would want to help me.
And you, you don't even know how badly you hurt me. I used to be happy, I used to like life. I don't regret you, not for a minute, I just wish that you still loved me. I wish for that everyday, for you to change your mind. I know it will never happen.
No one will ever read this, no one would even care.

I miss happiness. So badly.