im tired

I'm so exhausted, I don't think that I get enough sleep. Maybe I'll try to go to sleep early tonight and not to think about all of my annoying habits/ problems.
Gah I'm tired of like my life. I feel like I complain too much about my problems to people in person so I guess I'll just keep saying my problems here since I know that probably no one reads this anyway. It is weird that I feel like I trust a computer where anyone could be reading this even though no one is over a lot of people in my life. I keep saying this but I really wish I knew who I could trust. I really wish I had that one best friend (or 2) like everyone else has. Everyone has someone that they can trust everything with, the person they have know forever in some of my friends cases or just people that are practically their sister or other half. I don't have anyone like that. I'm not saying I don't have friends, sometimes I say that but I know that I at least have a couple of those, even though there aren't many. I'm just saying that I don't have those 1 or 2 best friends that I know will always be there if I need someone to hang out with or someone to talk to. I'm not saying my friends aren't good, I love them, I just feel like I'm missing something. It is too late to find someone like that now though, everyone has their best friends and I feel like part of me got left out.
And I feel like everyone has a guy, that is either like in love with them or that the 2 people like each other. I want that so badly but I have a feeling that will never again happen with me. My friends tell me that I can pretty much not move on until I get over him but I have a feeling that isn't just gonna happen in like a second. I hold on to things, sometimes too tight, because I'm afraid that things will fall away from me. I'm afraid that everyone will leave me and that I will wind up alone. I will be without anyone to truly care about me and that's what I am so afraid about for my life.
WHY DO I KEEP GETTING IN THESE MOODS?! I didn't used to get so upset all the time but for some reason this keeps happening now!