self confidence

I think I have self confidence problems. I never think highly of myself, actually I usually think exactly the opposite. I never feel like I'm good enough for anything and constantly put myself down. I'm always told to try to work on it but thats not an easy task. I don't even remember why I first started having a low self confidence but I have always had one. I guess the thing that I'm the most self concious about is my weight. I really truly think that I am a fat pig. Probably because that is actually what I look like, or that is the impression I have of myself. Others say that is not true but iknow that it is. I really wish that I had the courage to become anorexic or something of the sort but something in me won't let me bring myself to do it. I wish I could but I just can't. I think I'm going to go on weight watchers. I don't think that I am going to tell my friends if I do because I always get comments made when I say something like that and people get mad at me. They just don't understand what it feels like to feel horrible about yourself everyday I guess. I really just want to be 105 pounds. That isn't bad for someone that is 5'3 3/4" tall. I have this obsession that I have to become that weight. I guess I just want to be perfect, one thing that I have never been close to accomplishing.